i'm fat
the other day, an old friend of mine whom i've known for idk more than 10 years, a boy, in a middle of a conversation, he told me i was fat. and that i have a pretty face but bcse i was fat i wasn't someone he would want "a relationship with" smtg like that. i hate him, first of all he's not that good looking of a guy to say that to me. tak sedar diri, he's just an old friend who i value but what he said just crossed the line for me.
i wasn't aware of it the moment he said it, which was stupid of me. i told my friend about it and then i realised how dumb i was for not standing up for myself. i was moody for well i guess till today, i do abs, thigh workouts quietly in my room as i would be embarrased if my brother knows im working out. cse he too always calls me fat.
and today, i was scolded by mom. and when she scolds me, the whole family would too. it's not that i don't want to help her, i just think sometimes it's unfair when i just want 2 minutes of my eating to be finished, and that too she yells at me for not stopping and help on what she has asked. and macam biasa, she will mengadu at the family group and ramai ramai cakap i'm fat. im not exercising. i always sleep. i just eat. when i'm improving myself quietly. i'm so tired of this, i've never felt so insecure. i've deleted my instagram and twitter bcse i cant help but to compare myself with everyone and it has become so toxic to me. moreover my family and friends keep calling me names too.
i hope to go to somewhere nobody knows me and start new. i hate living in this household and i hate my college too. everyone sees me as a fat ugly lazy person when i'm trying to do my very best. my body keeps aching from all the exercises i've done in my room. my grades are improving a lot, and nobody is realising that except for me. in everyone's eyes i'm just a failure and i really want to get away from all of that. i'm so tired of being treated like shit. tired of being called fat. tired of everything la
i wasn't aware of it the moment he said it, which was stupid of me. i told my friend about it and then i realised how dumb i was for not standing up for myself. i was moody for well i guess till today, i do abs, thigh workouts quietly in my room as i would be embarrased if my brother knows im working out. cse he too always calls me fat.
and today, i was scolded by mom. and when she scolds me, the whole family would too. it's not that i don't want to help her, i just think sometimes it's unfair when i just want 2 minutes of my eating to be finished, and that too she yells at me for not stopping and help on what she has asked. and macam biasa, she will mengadu at the family group and ramai ramai cakap i'm fat. im not exercising. i always sleep. i just eat. when i'm improving myself quietly. i'm so tired of this, i've never felt so insecure. i've deleted my instagram and twitter bcse i cant help but to compare myself with everyone and it has become so toxic to me. moreover my family and friends keep calling me names too.
i hope to go to somewhere nobody knows me and start new. i hate living in this household and i hate my college too. everyone sees me as a fat ugly lazy person when i'm trying to do my very best. my body keeps aching from all the exercises i've done in my room. my grades are improving a lot, and nobody is realising that except for me. in everyone's eyes i'm just a failure and i really want to get away from all of that. i'm so tired of being treated like shit. tired of being called fat. tired of everything la
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